is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
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