he puts the penis in happiness.
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
Randomize
