Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
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