dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
I party with great urgency now.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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