cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
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