I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
