Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
