dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
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