someone threw a dead crab at me
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
