Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
try to milk me bitch
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