There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Randomize
