Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
