they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Randomize
