is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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