get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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