I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
