He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Randomize
