four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Cover your peen. We're going out.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
