Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
The air was thick with penises
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Randomize
