So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Randomize
