While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
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