Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
