Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Randomize
