That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize