do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
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