Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
