The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
