Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
Randomize
