***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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