Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Randomize
