mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
