That reminds me...we need to get swords
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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