you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
I smell like Dick and happiness
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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