When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
