Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Randomize
