AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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