THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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