My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
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