Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
it was like having sex with a tree stump
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
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