i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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