you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
