I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
When are your genitals available?
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
