Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
