You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
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