I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
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