Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
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