dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
