i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Randomize
