So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
