Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
I bet he comes in French.
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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