Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Randomize
