His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
Farmville is her only friend.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize
