Got a toothbrush?
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
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