Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
