Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
