She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
