1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
You can't just leave with hair like that
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
