So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
