i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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