I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
