I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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