you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
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