Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
so let's talk penis.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize
