I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Randomize
