my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Randomize
