did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
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