I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
I just found a bag of teeth...
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
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