After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
