I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
